Pretty Hurts

Fade in. Janet Jackson is sitting on the floor, sorting through a pile of CDs and records. Finally finding what she is looking for, Janet —A.K.A Justice— places the disc under the needle of a phonograph. Slowly, the sorrowful notes of a piano begin to play as Stevie Wonder's soulful voice belts out a tune so melancholy it brought tears to your eyes the first time you'd heard it. You watch as Justice goes about her evening home alone, which consists of eating popcorn and laying on the floor in the dark. You begin to think you are looking at a reflection of yourself, your average Saturday night. The next take cuts to a close up of Justice, her eyes pierce yours as she looks at herself in the mirror on the other side of the screen. She messes with her box braids, trying different hairstyles. For a moment she smiles, seemingly content and perhaps even confident. But as she continues to peer at her face, picking at whatever imperfections she sees in her teeth, skin, hair, etc., she seems to deflate. As Stevie croons the song's final note and the violins swell with woe, Justice's forced-smiling face crumples into a grimace and it is at this moment that you break. You break because you know this exact feeling. The looking in the mirror and not feeling good enough; feeling less than. The scrutinizing of your appearance until even the good things look ugly to you. The attempt to plaster on a smile and pretend that everything is alright, but failing. The trying to choke yourself with your braids because at that moment, disappearing doesn't sound so bad. The eventual dejected resignation and acceptance of the fact that you will never like what you see when you look in the mirror. It is this scene in Poetic Justice that gets you every time because it is you in your rawest form. No perfect Instagram-able arrangements or airbrushed Snapchat filters, just you when nobody's looking.

Scrolling through social media, I wonder how many beautiful people break like this, too. For every selfie posted, how many other photos did they have to take before they felt pretty enough? While most people will never let you see it, many of us harbor crippling insecurities, especially surrounding our appearance. We love social media platforms because we can choose to show only the best of ourselves and it comes off as the entire picture. We begin to hate it when we look at the best of what others choose to share and can't help but compare ourselves to those around us. I, myself, am guilty of this. It's easy, isn't it? To imagine that all these people are perfect beings who look naturally flawless in every picture. Unrealistic to say the least, but definitely easy. And so we do it, all the while convincing ourselves that we are not enough, nor will we ever be. We want to believe we are beautiful so badly it hurts. Yet we never will believe it if we continue to pick ourselves to pieces over a make-believe reality. Anyway, here is your reminder to be a bit kinder to yourself. Be gentle in your self talk. Remember to take everything on social media with a grain of salt. I hope you can smile at your reflection today.

-R
Watch the concept video here