#1: The Hermit

     This is the first card I made, maybe about a month or so ago. I'll be honest I'm not all that proud of this one. I wasn't quite sure what medium(s) I wanted to use to make these and I don't really like how the water color turned out. It isn't horrible, but I know I can do better. Also, being my first drawing in a lil while my style was a bit clunky and too simplistic for my taste. I'm thinking that I will most likely redo this card at some point, maybe towards the end of the project. For now though, it marks where I was at during this time and it'll make my growth even more evident as I go. Like I said in my last post, I am working on embracing imperfection no matter how much the virgo energy in me wants to rip it up and do it over. I admit that going into this I was nervous to get back into drawing because I hadn't done it in so long, but with every card I feel like I'm getting better and better. Excited to see how #78 turns out.
     The Hermit card really resonated with me at the time I decided to create it. I was feeling hella isolated and just alone (despite knowing we are never truly alone, we are always surrounded by guardians and God's love). I've always been on the introverted and reclusive side and I really value my solitude, but it does get overwhelming when my mind begins to feel like it's suffocating me. I deal with constant racing negative and/or anxious thoughts, over-thinking and over-analyzing on a loop at all times. Anything that can slow it down a bit and allow me to take a breath or turn my focus elsewhere is key to maintaining functionality. Structure and routine (again, virgo much?) are huge for me to be able to manage my mental health, and of course quarantine erased all of that. I had a really difficult time and lost all drive or ability to be productive, or be okay. When I finally felt able, I made some half hearted efforts to distract myself and, unfortunately, not much helped. I've been working really hard to be patient with myself and remaining consistent in my efforts despite this. The Hermit represented by this card embraces solitude and turns within themselves for healing.
     It's okay if you're not okay. It's okay to take your time. It's okay to tell people no. It's okay to not be productive when you just can't. It's okay to feel like you have nothing left of yourself to give. Be patient with yourself. I promise you're not alone even when it feels like it. And when you can't go outside, go inside yourself.

Love, Rachel.
May 20th, 2020